Is the Grass Really Greener?

I have a few friends who are in relationships who always tell me how much they want to be single and I look at them and think why, though? 

I firmly believe they don’t understand just how dire it is to try and date in London in 2016 (or maybe I’m just looking at the wrong places to meet nice normal guys but we will get on that in a future post).

It might be because I’m a hopeless romantic but I still have hope that one day I will meet someone and everything will just fall into place. Because honestly isn’t that what we are all looking for? 

Some people may think I have read way too many chick lit books (which I probably have but they are enjoyable reads), and watched way too many Disney films and romantic films (again probably true).

However being single for a certain amount of time I can honestly say I am bored of being single. Don’t get me wrong being single and all is fun. Having the freedom to do what to want whenever you want without having to worry whether your actions are upsetting your significant other half, directly or indirectly.  But after a while going out most weekends to clubs gets boring. Super repetitive and I can’t be asked with it anymore.

It might be because we are well and truly into the winter months now but it would be nice to have more nights in with someone I am really attracted to and can genuinely get along with. I’m not saying all I want to do is just that because you know you need the balance.  You don’t want to be that friend who was always available then as soon as they get a boyfriend they are nowhere to be found.

I guess as humans we are conditioned to want the things we don’t have. Like my friend put it the other day “So fresh and so much greener” in reference to what being a relationship feels like to us singletons.  I suppose until l get on the other side of said grass, I’m just going to keep enjoying the single life!


Gemma Ama x


  1. Very relatable post! It's true the grass is always greener on the other side.

  2. Thank you Dele and it really is!

  3. Having been someone who came out of a 5 year relationship - was single for a year - and has been in my current relationship for almost a year, I can tell you it's not all as simple as the grass being greener.

    In my previous relationship with... let’s call him “Justin”, things started off really well.
    I met him at my university, and we hit it off straight away. We had the same interests, he was funny, gorgeous, happy, cheeky, intelligent, and he seemed to be very interested in me as soon as I was in him. We talked all night, and went to lectures during the day, and it didn’t take long before he told me he would want to marry me one day.

    By the end of first year together, there were rumours flying around that he was cheating on me - but I never found any solid proof. It broke my heart and we argued, I cried, he cried, I told him I was leaving but could never quite make it out that door without turning around and saying something else. I should have left - I know I should have left - but everyone kept telling me “Relationships require work” and I had already invested a year with him.
    It didn’t help that at times he genuinely seemed clueless as to what he had done wrong. He always seemed helpless, he always eventually blamed his behaviour on having his heart broken by his cheating ex. I would yell that I’m not his ex, he would tell me he knows, he’s sorry, he’s just never been in a relationship with someone who actually cared about him. I would forgive him, the goodness in my heart pushing me to the delusion that all he needed was to be shown true love and affection and that it would solve everything.
    4 years later things had gotten incredibly bad, but I had resigned, my spirit broken. Don’t get me wrong, we still had moments where everything was perfect, we still missed eachother when we were apart, there was still some sort of love there, despite it all.
    By this point, I was managing both mine & his money. He was fiscally irresponsible - spending money left, right, & centre. When we would check our accounts by the end of the week, he’d have nothing left, and would have no idea what he had spent it on (he’d take it out of the ATM) so I made the horrible decision to hold his pay at the end of the week and give it back to him when he wanted to spend it.
    Don’t get me wrong, I would give him back his money for whatever he wanted to spend it on - I was just monitoring it and keeping track. See the thing is, for an entire year, he paid no bills, no rent, nothing but his own phone bill - and this was ONLY so he could save money to pay off his overdraft. The deal was, I pay for a year so he could save, and then the following year, he would pay so I could save.
    Only he couldn’t seem to save even £10 a week out of his £330 pw pay.
    And I felt like his mum; I hated it.

    Whenever anything went wrong (and with him this was frequently) I was stressing and trying to sort it out. I took care of everything in the relationship, whilst also taking care of his emotional, financial and physical needs - and battling my own depression at the time. Whenever I needed help, he would offer words of support, but he couldn’t do much more than that - although every time he had made me promises to “take my problems away” I found out it was a lie so I didn’t really trust him to live up to it.

    He was pretty depressed too, don’t get me wrong. He’d spent the past few years drinking excessively with friends into the night over some Warhammer 40K and other similar games. We had lived in a houseshare with these friends, so he rarely felt the need to go out, to exercise, or even just go for some fresh air. By the time we moved out on our own, he had put on loads of weight - stuffed into clothes that were three or four sizes too small for him, because of his refusal to accept that he was bigger now.

  4. When I finally broke up with him, it was because he had made the decision to move up to some rural area in the midlands and I realised then that we had no future. I had always told him I was a London girl from the moment we met, but he had grown to hate my beautiful city. He thought he could drag me away; he accepted a permanent job up there without telling me, and it was starting the week after.

    It broke my heart and I missed him so much, despite it all. I missed talking to him, hugging him, I missed the old us. I would randomly cry, but at the same time I felt so free, so hopeful of good things to come.
    It wasn't the fact that I could now do what I wanted when I wanted - that was never an issue in my previous relationship. He never stopped me from doing anything - in fact, he encourage it.
    The liberation came financially. I no longer had to funnel money into the black hole that was his presence. Going out meant I only had to pay for one. My bills were for one. My food was for one. Everything was for one.
    Then there was the liberation of expectation. When you no longer hold expectations upon someone, they cannot disappoint you. If they cannot disappoint you, you’re ultimately happier.
    And finally, I could hope again. The flicker of excitement that anything could happen now burned bright - and it was everything I needed.

    The year I spent single, was single by choice. I slept with people, I formed connections and bonds, I flirted, I did new things, met new people, just had fun whilst I focused on being happy, and being a better person than I was. I had realised how bitter my outlook had become on life due to my previous relationship, so I focused on scrubbing that away.
    I never really looked for a relationship in that year - I honestly didn’t think I was ready. I always go by the same philosophy - the right person will come into your life at the right time, and it can only happen that way.

    As great as it was, it was also difficult. I started to miss having someone in the bed next to me. I missed being able to ask someone to make me a hot water bottle when I wasn’t feeling great, and I missed regular sex.
    I REALLY missed regular, every night, sex.
    But I would never go back to Justin, even if I could have. Justin ended up in massive debt, filed for bankruptcy, lost everything, and then had a baby on the way with two stepkids-to-be. As cruel as it was, not being his fiance anymore meant not having to do much more than say, “I’m sorry to hear that - hope things get better.” That was all I needed to stop myself from falling into the same trap.

    And finally after that year was over, I met… let’s call him “Michael”. Michael was really sweet, kind, funny, secure, and genuine. It’s been a year and I’ve never been happier - he hasn’t lied to me once, he’s never cheated, always stood up for me, supported me, he’s taken me on adventures all over the UK, and the only bad thing about him? His crazy ex who left him for another guy) realised her mistake and wants him back. But he wants me.

    It’s only been a year, but so far everything seems to be going in the right direction, and my future still looks uncertain (in a good way) and exciting.

    When I was with Justin, was I aching for the single life? Yes.
    When I was single, was I aching for a relationship? No.
    I was aching to find the right person, and in a way, those people in relationships might really just be saying they envy your single lifestyle because you can still look for the right person, you can still hope, anything can happen. Maybe that’s what they’re saying.

    Unless they’ve got babies. Babies change EVERYTHING.

    Sorry for the long post - I think I started rambling...

    1. Yeah - I think it was more some of them meant they missed the idea of dating in general but they are happy in their relationships. I'm glad you are in a happier relationship after everything you went through in your past relationship Xx


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